It's Monday, starting the second week of school. Two kids sit around the kitchen table working on math worksheets, one pretends to sleep in the next room... It is calm, peaceful. . .quiet . . . mornings like these are great. They are just not very usual. Actually they are downright practically nonexistent. In fact by the end of typing that sentence the peaceful moment was gone. It has taken me 10 minutes to write that sentence because of the chaos that can ensue in .2 seconds around here.
I have a type A personality. As in AAA. I appreciate organization and a good plan. As the youngest of 6 children I am no stranger to chaos, and I can appreciate it even, but there are certain areas of my life I like organized and planned. Books and homeschooling fall into this part of my life.
My oldest has inherited my bent for perfectionism. It can get ugly.
A wonderful morning can easily be derailed by a glass of milk spilled all over the table. Normally perhaps no big deal, but add a laptop, an ipad, an iphone, and several hundred dollars of curriculum and . . . yup. Chaos. Chaos derails peace. I feel flustered, frustrated, agitated, and often angry over seamlessly small things. I am not proud of these moments. Too many of these moments have left me ashamed and defeated. I have allowed circumstances to steal joy and peace too often.
This summer I spent some time reading and listening to speakers online. The message was constant: Learn to find peace in the chaos. I read Teaching From Rest: A Homeschoolers Guide to Unshakeable Peace, a WONDERFUL book I would recommend to any homeschool mom. Such a good word! I was all poised for a RESTFUL and PEACEFUL experience in our homeschool this year.
And then <enter children> real life, didn'tgetthememotoberestful children.
Day one went pretty well. Day two ok. Day three rough and day 4 downright horrible. I was sending SOS texts to my husband, ready to send my 2nd grader to school...locking myself in the bathroom. Why? Ummm I think it involved clocks. You know past/til...how many hours from 3am to 9pm....yup. Craziness. How can something so simple go so . . . wrong. There was no peace. No restful teaching. Only chaos. I was defeated. I was so upset with myself. I had such unmet high expectations...of myself.
My printer kept going offline the entire two weeks before school I was printing and planning. The first week of school it was still an issue. A working printer is a major necessity in our homeschool. I was sending frustrated texts to my husband. Why have you not fixed this? What is the issue? I need a new printer!
I listened to a short audio this summer that was wonderful-- "Why Homeschool?" . . . (a few theological issues if you are not Catholic, but hey! The point was great) where the speaker talked about how God is in the spilled milk. We often get frustrated by things like spilled milk (or broken printers . . . or kids who can't tell time) and focus on how the distraction is "taking us away" from what we have to do. However, the speaker states that God is the author of the spilled milk. The spilled milk, the broken printer, the child staring blankly at the window-- that is what God had planned for that moment. The broken printer is God's will for my life at that moment.
Who am I to get frustrated or angry at God's will? Who am I to question the perfect will of the sovereign God? The same God that controls the wind and the waves controls the spilled milk and the dysfunctional printer. I am called to rest in His sovereignty. The chaos that all too often reigns? The distractions. The unavoidable yet unwelcomed hiccups in the day? Embrace them. God doesn't care whether or not we finish the math page, but he does care about how I treat His children. He cares about the relationship. And so do I.
Prayerfully approaching today with diligence, grace, and rest . . . even though the printer is still broken.
We are on spring break, and it has been an eye opening experience.
My husband is out of the country, and while it certainly is so much easier at my children's current ages than it has been the last few years... temporary single parenting still isn't "easy."
One of the major reasons we homeschool is to build Christian worldview and godly character in our children. As homeschoolers we are faced with our children's character flaws, personality quirks, and attitudes, day in and day out. Being around our kids all day can often be overwhelming and the tendency to overlook becomes a challenge. Public and private school friends, the physical time you have to identify and address those character flaws is less. As Christian parents we have a huge responsibility.
Whether you send your children to school or homeschool, routine and busyness often forces us to push forward to the next thing and often rush right over that character issue that should have stopped us dead in our tracks.
Spring Break is a pause, a comma in the routine. We get to spend time with our kids, to enjoy them -- or not.
By Wednesday of this week, as I walked into church, I changed up the routine and dropped off my youngest at nursery first. Why? I was done. I wasn't sure she would physically survive walking upstairs and back down ...or maybe I wouldn't. As I said to one of the volunteers, "all of my buttons are broken. Nothing left to push. All broken."
Deep breath.
With my husband out of town and no school routine, I decided we would embrace spring break and try to do a fun activity every day.
On Monday after a trip to Sky Zone (a trampoline park) and a lunch at Outback, I almost lost my mind when my kids yell from the back "Ice cream! Can we go there?!?"
My kids are great kids...but they can be selfish, ungrateful, greedy . . . just like any kid. But just because all kids (and adults!) possess these traits, does not make it ok. In fact, it is sin.
But honestly, I am often too busy to even see so many character issues in my kids, let alone take the time necessary to correct them. Character training is hard work. And time consuming. And often painful.
Spring break and other changes in the routine allow us a window into the character of our kids -- a character reality check.
It's Friday, and you know what? I like my kids more today than I did on Monday. It's been a little bit of character boot camp around here, but there is less screaming...less fighting...more gratefulness. And for that, I am grateful. We still have lots of work to do, but I am embracing opportunities.
Next week brings back the routine, and I look forward to that, but I am thankful for pauses that allow us to enjoy our children-- truly enjoy them-- and allow us to take the time to assess how we can help them be more like Christ. Embrace every opportunity to invest in the character of your children.
Years ago when my husband and I were at a missions training center, we talked a lot about conflict styles. I came to an interesting realization during that time-- I interact one way with those closest to me and completely differently with others. I was surprised by that realization, but simply accepted it.
Years later, I am pondering that fact more, and finally . . . unaccepting of it.
Just a little over a year ago I had a heart to heart with my husband and he opened up in a way, truthfully, I had never allowed before. I loved my husband, respected him, and adored him, but I didn't show that love and respect in the way I talked to him. After he opened up to me about how he felt, what I would have considered a good marriage took a major turn, and became amazing. The last year has taken us on a major road of me learning how to truly submit to my husband, and respect him in ways I had never before -- particularly in the way I spoke to him.
Why is it that those closest to us often bear the brunt of our worst behavior? I just accepted that fact as normal for too long. Last year began my journey to change that fact. It started with my husband, and well, honestly, that was the easy part. He is a great man, respects and loves me, and doesn't constantly do things to frustrate me.
However, there are these little people who live with me that I adore, love, and cherish, but who constantly do things to annoy and frustrate me. I mean, there is only so much squealing and whining I can handle before I snap, right? And how many times can I tell one to put his or her shoes on before I yell get your shoes on NOW! Showing them respect is a little more difficult...but no less important. Because, well, when I am honest, screaming STOP SCREAMING! is just not very effective.
I grew up in a home that treated those closest to them horribly-- we completely let our guard down with one another, and never even tried to cherish one another with words. In result, I grew up to do the same in my family. No more. I realize how hurtful the lack of grace in my words was affecting my relationship with my kids.
Our children mirror our relationships with them in their relationships with others. Scary thought, eh? It was for me. I am working on seasoning my speech with grace and respect-- respecting my children in the same way I respect others. Why would they deserve less respect than the cashier at the grocery store? The Bible calls us to respect one another-- our children are part of that "one another." It may be challenging, and I may will fail often (I seriously have failed at least twice while typing this blog post)...but I am working at modelling respectful interpersonal relationships starting at home with the most precious people in my life -- well, I'll die trying anyway...
Huge sigh...
It's been one of those days. You know the kind right???
We started late, but I was intent on redeeming our day. Since it was already ten o'clock and all that we had done was piano and Bible, I threw caution to the wind and decided to make smoothie's and have Poetry Smoothie-time. I mean, why not? Who cares if we took yesterday off and I have this now compulsive need to fit 5 days work of school into 4. Who cares if the other family we do science with on Tuesdays will be here at 12:30? It's the relationship, silly!
And assessing the potential disaster of the day: (4 days of sleeping at grandma's, non stop swimming, treats, friends, and movies, combined with late nights including last nights Star Wars with dad until 10pm)... yeah, smoothie poetry it is.
About 2 minutes in J (who is usually napping during poetry smoothies) pours smoothie all over herself. Yeah, maybe those $.50 margarita smoothie cups are a bit wobbly for a 3 year old...
Deep breathe. It's just a mess right?
I grit my teeth, force a smile and carry on. Smoothie time was an otherwise success and we move onto math.
An hour and a half later I am well past done but the math is not. Ok Ok telling me I should have cut it off earlier is not helpful NOW. I know I know...
Moving on to reading...
What are you doing?
Trying to read it.
Ummm...how can you be reading if the card is in my hand and you are looking everywhere BUT here. You can't read the card if you're eyes are up down and all around!
Who knew A said /e/ and g said /ch/?!?
Yeah, maybe we shouldn't move on because honestly, it got ugly. really ugly. Somewhere past me pounding a wall and locking myself in a bathroom I gave up. Have I mentioned I am hormonal right now?!?! Ugh. Some days I should lock myself in a room.
We survived science with our friends and even managed to get outside and play a hoop and arrow game like Hopi Indian children. (ok, really I was trying to keep everyone outside to not wake j up from her nap). Piano lessons completed and some playtime with friends. All good.
Well there was that moment C threw the Candy Land pieces across the room and my eyes almost popped out of my head. And the time I threatened warned the three year old that if she didn't take a LONG nap there would be no gymnastics. And the time I looked at my 8 year old like she had lost her mind when I told her to do something and she continued playing her game with her friends....I mean other than those times (and the other times I refuse to acknowledge even happened)...no one died (a little friend did get stung by a wasp though). Moderate success right? OK yeah, no. When survival becomes the benchmark... we are all in trouble.
Sigh. Again.
We dragged everyone to afternoon gymnastics ... I did manage a run by Circle K because $.69 really large Diet Coke is needed on days like today... at gymnastics of course I had to park in Egypt because the parking lot was full...ended up skipping evening swimming lessons because well, if you can't find your bathing suit you don't go to swimming right? (Sometimes reality discipline benefits me more greatly than I admit!)
Left the older one at the gym and headed home. Pajama time. Who cares if it is 5pm. I need you ready for BED. The three year old went in the bath because...well it takes longer than a shower and I need a minute. Somewhere between the I need a towel!!! Where are my pajamas?!?! and finding poop on the bathroom wall...
ummmmmm ewwwwwwwww?!?!?
Good thing soup was on in the crock pot or dinner might not have happened.
Netflix time.
ugh. Didn't I say no more Angelina Ballerina? I don't like the attitudes...change it...(truth is I bet her attitude was better than mine today!)
Jake and the Neverland Pirates it is. Yey hey No way is better than Angelina Ballerina right? OK maybe not, but I am over it at this point.
Then back to pick up E at the gym who is in tears because her coach "yelled at her" . . .
oh.gracious.goodness I know how her coach feels...
insert lecture about how shutting down and wasting 3 hours of gym time because of a pity party over her coach's expectations is not fair to her coach, her, or us...
oh goodness, I should get a medal for this today. Do they give epic parent fail medals?
Home....finally.
But wait...
C refuses to heed sisters warning and opens the car door anyway...only to bang a piece of furniture listed for sale in the garage...yeah. Guess I will lower that price...and now the car is scratched.
Insert lecture on thinking you know better and not listening to instruction...
Off to bed he goes because I am done.
MAMA?!?!?
Is the room on fire? Because if not, there is nothing you need from me.
Yeah...deep breath.
Life with littles, right?
Thankfully every day is not like this or well...yeah, I would be institutionalized or my kids would have no chance of normal.
I think its days like these that I realize how blessed I am. Because these days aren't normal. My kids are great kids. Obedient, respectful, loving...sure they argue and get sassy, make messes, wreak havoc, and lose their clothes...but hey, they're kids. They're learning.
It is easy to despair on days like today. To question your parenting or your sanity...but the truth is, kids aren't perfect...they are in training.
They will have days like this. We will do and say things we regret. We make mistakes, so do they. We apologize, hug and cuddle and move on. Discipline is about teaching...training.
And how grateful I am. Thankfully, God doesn't expect perfection from us...He disciplines us...teaches us, trains us, molds us into who He wants us to be...sanctification is a process. A process days like today show me I am not quite as far as I would have hoped...
Training kids is a process. We must teach how to clean up a room, how to make a bed, how to answer respectfully, how to be kind and share, how to have self control. And there will be times we get it right, and times we don't...
So on days like today I will try to remember that my kids are amazing, and they are growing, and learning, and are still little . . . and in training. Better yet? Tomorrow is a new day.
Chlorine, sunscreen, laughter, and smiles. The sights and sounds of summer.
During the school year, all too often I am "homeschool" mom. Focused on math and reading, history and science. I tend to be task oriented in nature and work hard to overcome that for my kids. I can often overcome by making relationship a task. I know that sounds crazy for those of you who are relationship oriented, but I have to schedule things like forts and baking . . . I know it is important to my kids, so I make it important to me. It doesn't happen naturally. I have to be intentional. And it is easy to be distracted from that which is important...
We are in our first full week of summer. The older two have swimming lessons every morning for a few weeks. How we spend the beginning of every summer . . . swimming and playing with friends. Movie nights, read alouds, those projects we didn't get to this year (that crazy model castle I am wishing we still hadn't gotten to!), staying up late, lazy mornings, free bowling, $1 movies. I love summer time. Not just because my to do list isn't full of "school," but because the first and foremost priority on my summer to do list is "enjoy my kids."
Yes, that is always my priority. But summer tends to put everything in perspective. It's time to breathe. Less distractions. Time to smile at those precious little people that are mine.
I am ignoring the messy house today. It can wait. This summer I will paint with them, I will get in the pool and not sit on the side. I will bowl with them, laugh with them, read to them, get messy and sweaty with them, put the iPhone and iPad down, and take advantage of the relationships of summer.
