Showing posts with label Parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Parenting. Show all posts
                                            
It's Monday, starting the second week of school. Two kids sit around the kitchen table working on math worksheets, one pretends to sleep in the next room... It is calm, peaceful. . .quiet . . . mornings like these are great. They are just not very usual. Actually they are downright practically nonexistent. In fact by the end of typing that sentence the peaceful moment was gone. It has taken me 10 minutes to write that sentence because of the chaos that can ensue in .2 seconds around here.

I have a type A personality. As in AAA. I appreciate organization and a good plan. As the youngest of 6 children I am no stranger to chaos, and I can appreciate it even, but there are certain areas of my life I like organized and planned. Books and homeschooling fall into this part of my life.

My oldest has inherited my bent for perfectionism. It can get ugly.

A wonderful morning can easily be derailed by a glass of milk spilled all over the table. Normally perhaps no big deal, but add a laptop, an ipad, an iphone, and several hundred dollars of curriculum and . . . yup. Chaos. Chaos derails peace. I feel flustered, frustrated, agitated, and often angry over seamlessly small things.  I am not proud of these moments. Too many of these moments have left me ashamed and defeated. I have allowed circumstances to steal joy and peace too often.

This summer I spent some time reading and listening to speakers online. The message was constant: Learn to find peace in the chaos. I read Teaching From Rest: A Homeschoolers Guide to Unshakeable Peace,  a WONDERFUL book I would recommend to any homeschool mom. Such a good word! I was all poised for a RESTFUL and PEACEFUL experience in our homeschool this year.



And then <enter children> real life, didn'tgetthememotoberestful children.

Day one went pretty well. Day two ok. Day three rough and day 4 downright horrible. I was sending SOS texts to my husband, ready to send my 2nd grader to school...locking myself in the bathroom. Why? Ummm I think it involved clocks. You know past/til...how many hours from 3am to 9pm....yup. Craziness. How can something so simple go so . . . wrong. There was no peace. No restful teaching. Only chaos. I was defeated. I was so upset with myself. I had such unmet high expectations...of myself.

My printer kept going offline the entire two weeks before school I was printing and planning. The first week of school it was still an issue. A working printer is a major necessity in our homeschool. I was sending frustrated texts to my husband. Why have you not fixed this? What is the issue? I need a new printer!

 I listened to a short audio this summer that was wonderful-- "Why Homeschool?" . . . (a few theological issues if you are not Catholic, but hey! The point was great) where the speaker talked about how God is in the spilled milk. We often get frustrated by things like spilled milk (or broken printers . . . or kids who can't tell time) and focus on how the distraction is "taking us away" from what we have to do. However, the speaker states that God is the author of the spilled milk. The spilled milk, the broken printer, the child staring blankly at the window-- that is what God had planned for that moment. The broken printer is God's will for my life at that moment.



Who am I to get frustrated or angry at God's will? Who am I to question the perfect will of the sovereign God? The same God that controls the wind and the waves controls the spilled milk and the dysfunctional printer. I am called to rest in His sovereignty. The chaos that all too often reigns? The distractions. The unavoidable yet unwelcomed hiccups in the day? Embrace them. God doesn't care whether or not we finish the math page, but he does care about how I treat His children. He cares about the relationship. And so do I.

Prayerfully approaching today with diligence, grace, and rest . . . even though the printer is still broken.
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We are on spring break, and it has been an eye opening experience.

My husband is out of the country, and while it certainly is so much easier at my children's current ages than it has been the last few years... temporary single parenting still isn't "easy."

One of the major reasons we homeschool is to build Christian worldview and godly character in our children. As homeschoolers we are faced with our children's character flaws, personality quirks, and attitudes, day in and day out. Being around our kids all day can often be overwhelming and the tendency to overlook becomes a challenge. Public and private school friends, the physical time you have to identify and address those character flaws is less. As Christian parents we have a huge responsibility.

Whether you send your children to school or homeschool, routine and busyness often forces us to push forward to the next thing and often rush right over that character issue that should have stopped us dead in our tracks.

Spring Break is a pause, a comma in the routine. We get to spend time with our kids, to enjoy them -- or not.

By Wednesday of this week, as I walked into church, I changed up the routine and dropped off my youngest at nursery first. Why? I was done. I wasn't sure she would physically survive walking upstairs and back down ...or maybe I wouldn't. As I said to one of the volunteers, "all of my buttons are broken. Nothing left to push. All broken." 

Deep breath.

With my husband out of town and no school routine, I decided we would embrace spring break and try to do a fun activity every day.

On Monday after a trip to Sky Zone (a trampoline park) and a lunch at Outback, I almost lost my mind when my kids yell from the back "Ice cream! Can we go there?!?"

My kids are great kids...but they can be selfish, ungrateful, greedy . . . just like any kid. But just because all kids  (and adults!) possess these traits, does not make it ok. In fact, it is sin.

But honestly, I am often too busy to even see so many character issues in my kids, let alone take the time necessary to correct them. Character training is hard work. And time consuming. And often painful.

Spring break and other changes in the routine allow us a window into the character of our kids -- a character reality check.




It's Friday, and you know what? I like my kids more today than I did on Monday. It's been a little bit of character boot camp around here, but there is less screaming...less fighting...more gratefulness. And for that, I am grateful. We still have lots of work to do, but I am embracing opportunities.

Next week brings back the routine, and I look forward to that, but I am thankful for pauses that allow us to enjoy our children-- truly enjoy them-- and allow us to take the time to assess how we can help them be more like Christ. Embrace every opportunity to invest in the character of your children.
                                       
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Years ago when my husband and I were at a missions training center, we talked a lot about conflict styles. I came to an interesting realization during that time-- I interact one way with those closest to me and completely differently with others. I was surprised by that realization, but simply accepted it.

Years later, I am pondering that fact more, and finally . . . unaccepting of it.

Just a little over a year ago I had a heart to heart with my husband and he opened up in a way, truthfully, I had never allowed before. I loved my husband, respected him, and adored him, but I didn't show that love and respect in the way I talked to him. After he opened up to me about how he felt, what I would have considered a good marriage took a major turn, and became amazing. The last year has taken us on a major road of me learning how to truly submit to my husband, and respect him in ways I had never before -- particularly in the way I spoke to him.

Why is it that those closest to us often bear the brunt of our worst behavior? I just accepted that fact as normal for too long. Last year began my journey to change that fact. It started with my husband, and well, honestly, that was the easy part. He is a great man, respects and loves me, and doesn't constantly do things to frustrate me.

However, there are these little people who live with me that I adore, love, and cherish, but who constantly do things to annoy and frustrate me. I mean, there is only so much squealing and whining I can handle before I snap, right? And how many times can I tell one to put his or her shoes on before I yell get your shoes on NOW! Showing them respect is a little more difficult...but no less important. Because, well, when I am honest, screaming STOP SCREAMING! is just not very effective.

I grew up in a home that treated those closest to them horribly-- we completely let our guard down with one another, and never even tried to cherish one another with words. In result, I grew up to do the same in my family. No more. I realize how hurtful the lack of grace in my words was affecting my relationship with my kids.

Our children mirror our relationships with them in their relationships with others. Scary thought, eh? It was for me. I am working on seasoning my speech with grace and respect-- respecting my children in the same way I respect others. Why would they deserve less respect than the cashier at the grocery store?  The Bible calls us to respect one another-- our children are part of that "one another." It may be challenging, and I may will fail often (I seriously have failed at least twice while typing this blog post)...but I am working at modelling respectful interpersonal relationships starting at home with the most precious people in my life -- well, I'll die trying anyway...



Respecting Our Children

by on 9:38 PM
Years ago when my husband and I were at a missions training center, we talked a lot about conflict styles. I came to an interesting realizat...
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Huge sigh...

It's been one of those days. You know the kind right???

We started late, but I was intent on redeeming our day. Since it was already ten o'clock and all that we had done was piano and Bible, I threw caution to the wind and decided to make smoothie's and have Poetry Smoothie-time. I mean, why not? Who cares if we took yesterday off and I have this now compulsive need to fit 5 days work of school into 4. Who cares if the other family we do science with on Tuesdays will be here at 12:30? It's the relationship, silly!

And assessing the potential disaster of the day: (4 days of sleeping at grandma's, non stop swimming, treats, friends, and movies, combined with late nights including last nights Star Wars with dad until 10pm)... yeah, smoothie poetry it is.

About 2 minutes in J (who is usually napping during poetry smoothies) pours smoothie all over herself. Yeah, maybe those $.50 margarita smoothie cups are a bit wobbly for a 3 year old...

Deep breathe. It's just a mess right?

I grit my teeth, force a smile and carry on. Smoothie time was an otherwise success and we move onto math.

An hour and a half later I am well past done but the math is not. Ok Ok telling me I should have cut it off earlier is not helpful NOW. I know I know...

Moving on to reading...

What are you doing?

 Trying to read it.

 Ummm...how can you be reading if the card is in my hand and you are looking everywhere BUT here. You can't read the card if you're eyes are up down and all around!

Who knew A said /e/ and g said /ch/?!?

Yeah, maybe we shouldn't move on because honestly, it got ugly. really ugly. Somewhere past me pounding a wall and locking myself in a bathroom I gave up. Have I mentioned I am hormonal right now?!?! Ugh. Some days I should lock myself in a room.

We survived science with our friends and even managed to get outside and play a hoop and arrow game like Hopi Indian children. (ok, really I was trying to keep everyone outside to not wake j up from her nap). Piano lessons completed and some playtime with friends.  All good.

Well there was that moment C threw the Candy Land pieces across the room and my eyes almost popped out of my head.  And the time I threatened warned the three year old that if she didn't take a LONG nap there would be no gymnastics. And the time I looked at my 8 year old like she had lost her mind when I told her to do something and she continued playing her game with her friends....I mean other than those times (and  the other times I refuse to acknowledge even happened)...no one died (a little friend did get stung by a wasp though). Moderate success right? OK yeah, no. When survival becomes the benchmark... we are all in trouble.

Sigh. Again.

We dragged everyone to afternoon gymnastics ... I did manage a run by Circle K because $.69 really large Diet Coke is needed on days like today... at gymnastics of course I had to park in Egypt because the parking lot was full...ended up skipping evening swimming lessons because well, if you can't find your bathing suit you don't go to swimming right? (Sometimes reality discipline benefits me more greatly than I admit!)

Left the older one at the gym and headed home. Pajama time. Who cares if it is 5pm. I need you ready for BED. The three year old went in the bath because...well it takes longer than a shower and I need a minute. Somewhere between the I need a towel!!! Where are my pajamas?!?! and finding poop on the bathroom wall...

ummmmmm ewwwwwwwww?!?!?

Good thing soup was on in the crock pot or dinner might not have happened.

Netflix time.

ugh. Didn't I say no more Angelina Ballerina? I don't like the attitudes...change it...(truth is I bet her attitude was better than mine today!) 

Jake and the Neverland Pirates it is. Yey hey No way is better than Angelina Ballerina right? OK maybe not, but I am over it at this point.

Then back to pick up E at the gym who is in tears because her coach "yelled at her" . . .

oh.gracious.goodness I know how her coach feels...

insert lecture about how shutting down and wasting 3 hours of gym time because of a pity party over her coach's expectations is not fair to her coach, her, or us...

oh goodness, I should get a medal for this today. Do they give epic parent fail medals?

Home....finally.

But wait...

C refuses to heed sisters warning and opens the car door anyway...only to bang a piece of furniture listed for sale in the garage...yeah. Guess I will lower that price...and now the car is scratched.

Insert lecture on thinking you know better and not listening to instruction...

Off to bed he goes because I am done.

MAMA?!?!?

 Is the room on fire? Because if not, there is nothing you need from me. 

 Yeah...deep breath.

Life with littles, right?

Thankfully every day is not like this or well...yeah, I would be institutionalized or my kids would have no chance of normal.

I think its days like these that I realize how blessed I am. Because these days aren't normal. My kids are great kids. Obedient, respectful, loving...sure they argue and get sassy, make messes, wreak havoc, and lose their clothes...but hey, they're kids. They're learning.

It is easy to despair on days like today. To question your parenting or your sanity...but the truth is, kids aren't perfect...they are in training.


They will have days like this. We will do and say things we regret. We make mistakes, so do they. We apologize, hug and cuddle and move on. Discipline is about teaching...training.

And how grateful I am. Thankfully, God doesn't expect perfection from us...He disciplines us...teaches us, trains us, molds us into who He wants us to be...sanctification is a process. A process days like today show me I am not quite as far as I would have hoped...

Training kids is a process. We must teach how to clean up a room, how to make a bed, how to answer respectfully, how to be kind and share, how to have self control. And there will be times we get it right, and times we don't...

So on days like today I will try to remember that my kids are amazing, and they are growing, and learning, and are still little . . . and in training. Better yet? Tomorrow is a new day.

It's Training Silly . . .

by on 6:00 AM
Huge sigh... It's been one of those days. You know the kind right??? We started late, but I was intent on redeeming our day. Since i...
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Chlorine, sunscreen, laughter, and smiles. The sights and sounds of summer.



During the school year, all too often I am "homeschool" mom. Focused on math and reading, history and science. I tend to be task oriented in nature and work hard to overcome that for my kids. I can often overcome by making relationship a task. I know that sounds crazy for those of  you who are relationship oriented, but I have to schedule things like forts and baking . . . I know it is important to my kids, so I make it important to me. It doesn't happen naturally. I have to be intentional. And it is easy to be distracted from that which is important...

We are in our first full week of summer. The older two have swimming lessons every morning for a few weeks. How we spend the beginning of every summer . . . swimming and playing with friends. Movie nights, read alouds, those projects we didn't get to this year (that crazy model castle I am wishing we still hadn't gotten to!), staying up late,  lazy mornings, free bowling, $1 movies. I love summer time. Not just because my to do list isn't full of "school," but because the first and foremost priority on my summer to do list is "enjoy my kids."

Yes, that is always my priority. But summer tends to put everything in perspective. It's time to breathe. Less distractions. Time to smile at those precious little people that are mine. 

 I am ignoring the messy house today. It can wait. This summer I will paint with them, I will get in the pool and not sit on the side. I will bowl with them, laugh with them, read to them, get messy and sweaty with them, put the iPhone and iPad down, and take advantage of the relationships of summer.

The Relationships of Summer

by on 10:43 AM
Chlorine, sunscreen, laughter, and smiles. The sights and sounds of summer. During the school year, all too often I am "homeschoo...
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After my 7 Day No Yelling Challenge, I had a pretty rough week with my kids. I wasn't sure if it was them reacting to the different tone in the house or a full moon or what. What I did know is I enjoyed speaking peacefully, and I enjoyed the tone that I was able to set during my 7 (turned 10!) day challenge. Several people have asked me since, so what's the secret? Well, there is no secret, and if there is I don't have it....I wish I could say I have overcome my yelling issue, but I haven't. I am learning, and I am growing. On this journey I have learned a few things that are helping me strive to "parent peacefully."



Mom is the thermometer of the Home

 In a book study I am doing at church right now, I learned about how the mom is the "thermometer" of the home, setting the mood for the rest of the family. Super convicting! If I am the mood setter, no wonder we face some of the problems we are facing! Yelling, frustration, stress. These are the settings on our thermometer we often reach. I want to strive for peace, love, and joy.

Eliminating "Stressors"

 I began to ask, what is causing me to yell? What is causing stress? What is keeping me from reaching the temperature of peace, love, and joy? I began to look around my house and my life and look for "stressors"-- those things that make me frustrated, cause me anxiety, and make things more difficult than they need to be. Since the family members are here to stay, I had to look for other ways to make life more peaceful. ;)

The first thing I noticed stealing our peace was "time". I all too often find myself rushing to get out the door, struggling to get things together to leave, and way to often yelling "hurry! we need to go!!!" Planning ahead is such a simple thing to remember, but it makes such a difference in the temperature of the home. Getting up a few minutes earlier, making sure the sports uniforms are clean and ready to go before 5 minutes before time to leave. Simple things as getting socks on can create a war zone when there are no matches in the drawer and  you are late! Preparing ahead of time is challenging for a natural born procrastinator...but I am working on it and definitely see the benefit.

I identified several physical areas of stress in my home that needed attention as well. Closets, toy bins, pantry, drawers. Something as simple as the cup cabinet being too crowded can make a simple task like emptying the dishwasher a stressful experience. Trying to make dinner when you can't find the ingredients you KNOW are in the pantry is so frustrating! And of course dinner is late, you have to leave, and a child wants a cup of milk....and I am yelling because I can't find the packet of fajita mix! Milk shouldn't push me over the edge....but just one more frustrating factor at just the right time...

These are the things I am working on this week. I have cleaned out three rooms and three closets, and had a yard sale. Making great progress towards setting the thermostat to "peace, love, and joy." Sometimes the simple things make a huge difference.
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We live in a world of make believe. No not fairies and unicorns, but the false realities of blogs and Pinterest. In the last few weeks I have read several blogs and articles on the "dangers" of Pinterest, and how people are in essence breaking free of the Pinterest trap where they feel guilty over buying store bought cookies.

Part of me says good for you, and part of me wants to laugh uncontrollably. Blogs and Pinterest are not always reality, or at least a full picture of reality. Wait, am I saying that I and other bloggers are lying and not representing reality? No, however, no one can share the whole story, even if they try.

Yes, we may have done some very cool projects or organizing that might help someone else, but did anyone ask what DIDN'T get done that day? My dear husband can attest to the many loads of laundry he folds because I would often be content to just pick clothes right out of the basket. Or the other numerous household chores he does so that I am free to do "other" things like invest in our children's education, blog, or just collapse in exhaustion at the end of the day.

This is reality:

Of course my school room is nice and organized. I cleaned it to take the picture! ;) How about the months of November and December where we schooled at the kitchen table because my school room was such a mess we couldn't find the table to school on... (I did finally clean it btw!) ;)

Pinterest and blogs are just part of the picture. Notice most blogs focus on one thing: homeschooling, cooking, organic or clean eating, fashion, etc. No one has it all together. We are all humans with a plethora of faults and failures, and we all get it right sometimes. Pinterest and blogs are the snapshots of those we did it moments. (Although, I do try to share our fair share of we missed it moments because I think those often inspire just as much!) 

 It saddens me when I hear people saying that a blog, particularly mine, has made them feel guilty as a parent or a homeschool mom. That isn't the point. The idea behind Pinterest and blogs is to inspire and show what things look like for them. For every positive thing that get posted or pinned, 400 negative ones happened in our home. My kids watch too much tv, eat too much fast food, and I spend way to much time on the computer... but hey, we do projects and read books! ;)

I am going to be honest, I think Pinterest has made me a better mom. Those ideas I always wanted to do, but had no idea how? I  now have easy access and quick instructions. We all have gifts, and Pinterest and blogs allow us to share them. I don't feel a guilt in the world if that mom came up with the idea and I just did it with my kids. I did it and that is all that matters. And all the ideas I don't get to? Who cares? If I pin 20 recipes and only use three, did my family and I not benefit?

Allow the ideas you see online to inspire you to do more, to enjoy your children and your spouse, but not to place a burden upon you. God has a purpose for each of our lives individually and my call and yours are not going to be the same. We all have different personalities and things that invigorate or exhaust us. We are all different and we all have different gifts.

Don't get overwhelmed or weary at seeing what you think is "good." Remember it may not be "best" or even "good" for your family. Remember, the person who cooked that gourmet meal, cleaned and organized that room, had to sacrifice other things to do it.  And the day that huge project got done? They ate pizza.

Be encouraged. You are the person God has chosen to be married to your spouse, raise your children, manage your home, and for many, homeschool your children. God has you in these roles for a purpose, and you are the best one for the job.

The next time you are tempted to be discouraged or feel inferior due to something you see on Pinterest, remember that behind the pretty picture is the mess of their own reality . . . just slightly outside the border of the image.
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I can't be the only one that struggles with the blurred lines of mom verses homeschool mom. How much of my time do I spend planning, researching, preparing, teaching, and doing projects. I have even come to view regular childhood activities like the park, children's museum, cooking, baking, and read alouds as part of the "curriculum." The amount of pressure mom's already put on themselves is absurd, then you add on their child's education, socialization, college options, and future career options to the list -- daunting is an understatement.

I wake up with the goal of getting the children moving to start school in a timely manner. We move through the day checking off the planner, going to the activities on the calendar, check, check, check...

I often fail to get laundry done during the week or leave a load long enough in the washer it has to be rerun the next day, and most of the cleaning happens on the weekends. My toddler gets way too little attention, and my mind is never still. By the time I have researched and planned curriculum for one year it is time to start planning for the next! I strive to teach and correct, but I still want them to know I am their biggest fan.

Sometimes homeschooling can seem all consuming. Sometimes, I just need to focus on being a mom. This week we had regular schoolwork, Operation Christmas Child packing, Lego class, music class, gymnastics, piano lessons, play dates, meetings, and a few doctors visits thrown in. However, in the midst of the scheduled chaos, I tried to find time to just be a mom. Time to play with friends, cuddle, read books not on the schedule, play at the park, cook together, paint finger and toe nails, make some new Pinterest recipes, dance and sing at music class and enjoy it instead of thinking ahead to all I have to do when I get home.


Yes, we still homeschooled. I still taught. We did math, language arts, history, and more science than we have done in awhile. We finished a math chapter I have been avoiding like the plague because of all the mess it would entail. It got done, and I enjoyed so much of it.

Yes, we finished science at 8 pm last night because of a doctors appointment, a trip to Chik Fil A, Spanish immersion class, and dinner with grandma. And I am OK with that. We might not have gotten in all four scheduled days of spelling, but we did progress, and we took a week to remember we are a family who homeschools, not a "homeschool family."  I am a mom who homeschools, not a "homeschool mom." Yes, I teach math, cursive, and how to read; and yes, I correct and assign, but I also love, cuddle, encourage, play, and even cook and clean. Sometimes I just need a break from my role as home teacher, and remember that my students only have one mom and she shouldn't disappear just because there is school work to be done.

Finishing Week 14 at the park!

Mom vs. Homeschool Mom

by on 9:02 PM
I can't be the only one that struggles with the blurred lines of mom verses homeschool mom. How much of my time do I spend planning, res...
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If you are familiar with the Five Love Languages (of Children), you know every person (and child) has a special language they give and receive love. While this is true, I have yet to see a child not greatly impacted by words no matter their primary "love language."

As I put J down for a nap today, I snuggled close to her and whispered in her ear a little ritual we do often. "I love your smile. I love your giggle. I love your love of life. I love your expressions. I love how you capture attention. I love your ability to entertain any time any where. I love your wit. I love your one liners. I love how you make me laugh. I love how you love. I love your passion. I love how you play a crowd. I love to watch you dance. I love your chocolate eyes. I love you. From the top of your hair to the tip of your toes." With each encouraging word her body relaxed, her breathing evened out, her smile grew big, and she snuggled closer to me. She responded physically and emotionally. All of my kids do the same thing. When you begin to tell them all that you love about them, their heart and eyes latch on and their heart and body respond to words of life pouring into them.


Critical or threatening words also elicit a physical and emotional response. I love my children, but one of my gravest flaws as a mom is my lack of self control in the area of words. No I don't name call, or curse, but I do yell and criticize. It is a generational sin I fight every day. What can I say, I am Italian. ;) Yelling was such a part of my home growing up, a part of my culture. Then I married a boy from Mississippi. We often joke that our wedding was My Big Fat Greek Wedding meets Sweet Home Alabama! He is gentle and soft spoken. Refined. To make him angry it is usually a slow boil, rarely boiling over. I, on the other hand, am a volcano. He is helping me to make this volcano dormant . . . this is no easy task!

Just as they respond wholly to words of encouragement, all of my children respond physically to yelling. They get tense, move farther away physically, eyes downcast, fear in their eyes. Yes they know I would never hurt them physically, yet their affect shows their emotional pain. C is the most dramatic physically. He cowers. If I begin to yell he hides or runs or will get into a ball or cover his ears. I rarely yell at C. As soon as I begin and he acts like I have physically beat him, I immediately check my voice and usually whisper a much better response. His response is extreme, but it shows exactly what all children feel when they hear yelling and criticism. While I am saddened that I ever yell at C, I appreciate his extreme response because it is a grave reminder of how damaging that habit can be.

In the same way, C responds the most physically when receiving words of affirmation. Each word of encouragement calms him, fills his soul, encourages his heart, and breathes life into his precious being. Seeing this response is a physical reminder to fill their hearts with words of encouragement. Research shows that children need 13 affirmations per 1 negative comment, correction, or criticism. 13 to 1!!! Oh, how backwards things are here all too often. I am deepening my commitment to speak words that encourage and affirm, telling these precious three children in my life what I really think about them. That they are fantastic, amazing, talented, intelligent, loved, cherished, and mine!

I want to speak life, not judgment. Encouragement not criticism. This is an area of my life that I struggle with daily, but I will not give in. I will fight my flesh everyday to speak life.
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I love the sound of my children. No, not screaming, crying, whining, or complaining... Yes those sounds are present (all too) often, but yesterday as I had a few hours to myself, it was quiet. Too quiet. As parents we often long for quiet. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed it. But the moment the garage door opened and the sound of running feet and giggles filled the house, I couldn't help but smile.

All day long I tell them to be quiet, no screaming, and hush. Whining is like nails on a chalkboard and I cannot put a number on how many times a day I say, "I will hear you when your voice sounds like mine." But the truth is those are the sounds of being little, and those sounds just won't last long enough.


As J and I cuddled up this morning and the daddy tickle monster caught us hiding under the covers... These are the sounds of joy. The sounds of giggles and laughter. I want these to be the sounds of my home. Laughter not tears. Giggles not shouts, affirmation not criticism. Feet running towards me, not away. These are the sounds of littles.

I want our home to be filled with the sounds of joy. I know life happens. Children cry and whine, and discipline is necessary. But I want to choose to laugh more. Put down the phone and iPad and choose to play, tickle, and chase. Choose to call them close and not send them off to play. Hold them a little longer, a little tighter. Smile more, laugh more, choose joy more. Because the sounds of littles will be gone before I know it.
"I will turn their mourning into joy;
I will comfort them, and give them gladness for sorrow." Jeremiah 31:13

The Sounds of Little

by on 9:44 AM
I love the sound of my children. No, not screaming, crying, whining, or complaining... Yes those sounds are present (all too) often, but yes...
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"Do you have to teach Bible?"
Now while I know what people are really asking when they pose this question is do we have to have Bible as a "subject"? I am always amazed and slighty perplexed when I read or hear the question  More than being perplexed by the question, I am astonished at how often I hear the answer "No, reading the Bible is enough. You don't want to do too much or be overwhelmed." Really? Would you consider just reading your history book? Science book? Grammar book? Of course not. While there is much to be gleaned from just "reading" we must interact and engage the material to really ingest and apply it.

Should you teach Bible as a "school" subject?
I think this is the wrong question. What else do you have to teach that is more important?

As a Christian a Biblical worldview and Biblical literacy is THE most important thing I teach my children. While I desire to pursue academics hand in hand with Biblical literacy and deep character training, the truth is, in my mind, my One Magnificent Obsession in life is not teaching my children the 3 R's but the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I want them to be passionately in love with Jesus and following Him with their whole heart and mind. It is to that end I teach math, reading, and writing.

I am so very passionate about this topic. We live in a culture of Christianity that is Biblically illiterate, and the church is evidence of this. 80% of churched teenagers leave the church at eighteen and never come back. We as Christian parents need to step up and say my child will not be a statistic. By God's grace I will do all I can to assure my children are firmly founded in the Word of God and that the Bible plays not just a role in our homes, but a central role. It is the foundation by which we do all things: make decisions, choose curriculum, choose friends, organize our time, spend our money, choose careers, colleges, and spouses. If the Bible is the basis for such life altering decisions, we should KNOW the Bible, right? Not just stories but the intricacies and doctrines, the people whose lives are offered as examples, and the message of the Gospel on which we hinge everything in our lives.

I had a very wise homeschool mom tell me once when I was tearing my hair out choosing curriculum, that as she looked back on those early years with her kids, the one thing she got right was making Bible the most important thing she did. Even if nothing else got done that day, the teaching of the Bible was the most important thing. I have adapted this mentality. Does that mean we only teach Bible? No, but if I had to choose one thing to do, that would be it.

Does Family Worship replace the need for Bible as a class?
No. Family worship is important but for our family we delineate between family worship and Bible study. During family worship we do our catechism questions, read a portion of Scripture, sing a song and pray. It is more devotional in nature whereas deep Bible study happens during Bible as a subject time.

How do you have time for all of it?
Martin Luther once said “I have so much to do that I shall spend the first three hours in prayer.” This is how I feel about studying the Bible. How can we fully grasp the truth of anything without the Truth? You make time for what you prioritize, and in our home we prioritize the study of the Bible. 

What about if my kids are in Christian school?
So, we are not all homeschoolers. What if your kids attend Christian school? They have Bible class already, so should you do more? Christian schools and churches are to come alongside you as parents to teach the Bible, not substitute you. Do you know what your children are learning in Bible class? That teacher is just a another person, be sure you are checking in on the doctrine and interpretations being offered your child. On the day of judgment it will be your responsibility not your child's Bible teacher or Sunday school teacher. Discuss with your kids what they are learning about the Bible and be sure they are founded in Truth. Be sure to be practicing family worship and prioritizing the Word in your home.

What about if my kids are in public school?
If you have made the choice to put your child in public school, consider this quote by Voddie Baucham.  If we send our children to public school "we shouldn't be surprised when they come home wearing the enemy's uniform and charging the hill of our home waving the enemy flag." Now I do not say this to say no one should put their child in public school, I quote this so you see the urgency of establishing a Biblical worldview and Biblical literacy in your children. The teaching of God's Word to your children is the responsibility of the parent no matter where they go to school.

If it is that important why don't we do it?
This section is not going to win me any brownie points because I plan to be rather blunt. If you were to assess and compare two solid moral families today, one Christian, one not, what would you find? One attends church, prays before meals, and before bed. There would hopefully be some accidental conversation about Jesus, God, and the righteous life at some point, but most of the time it is not intentional.

This is not enough. We spend too much time on everything else that is temporal, and not a fraction of what we should on the eternal. We need to be intentional. Every day we must get up and intentionally build a foundation of Truth in our children, establish a worldview in them in which they will filter truth and stand firm even when they leave our care.

Does this mean we never just READ the Bible?
Certainly not. In my own personal Bible study time sometimes I do deep study surrounded by commentaries, Bible dictionaries, and other study tools, and other times I just read so that the Holy Spirit can furrow His Word into my heart. There is a time to simply read and meditate on God's Word, but meditation always takes deeper root when it falls upon tilled soil.

Be intentional 
Model a love for God's Word in your own heart. Be a lover of the Word and allow your kids to catch your excitement. Read it, study it, memorize it. Feast on it. Treat God's Word with more care than your math book. Give it more time and attention. Establish the role of the Bible in your home knowing that the fruit of it is eternal.
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Joining in on this week's Not Back to School Blog Hop. It's Student's Photo Week!

First day of school photo:


You can find our first day of school post here.

Now, time to meet the students! I have been wanting to do this for awhile, and am so glad to get around to it. I often blog about the things they do and learn, but not about who they are. And they are fantastic. So, time to meet E, C, and J!

E (the Princess) is 7 and in 2nd grade. She has such a servant's heart and always so eager to please. She is an amazing daughter and fantastic big sister. She is a helper, diligent, with a big dose of perfectionist, and we are so blessed she is ours! Aside from school she spends her time playing, watching movies, playing with her American Girl doll, and doing gymnastics. All the time in the gym each week is never enough and it is rare around here for her to be right side up!



C (the Rock Star) is 5 and in kindergarten. After attending a 3 day a week pre-k last year, I am so glad to have him join us every day! He is sensitive, and loving, with an amazing smile and laugh. His eyes declare his love for life and his feet are never still. He is tender hearted and can always tell when something is wrong. He is careful and yet free. He loves Legos, dinosaurs, and can most often be found wearing a cape and often a snow hat and gloves (and yes, we do live in SW FL!).  His smile encourages me each and every day, and his hugs can make any worry disappear. He is a delight to my heart and we are so blessed by this little treasure.





J (the Diva) is 2, but if you ask her she is 4, always said with a twinkle in her eye. She is loud, proud and quick to take charge at any moment. She is fearless and fun, full of life and attitude. Her personality lights up the room. J is just fun! She refuses to ever be left behind in school or play, and is quick to let you know if you try! She is forgiving, affectionate, straightforward, bold, and sassy! She makes me smile and laugh and I am so very grateful for the gift of her life in our family!.








Check out more at the Not Back to School Blog Hop!

Meet the Students!

by on 3:08 PM
Joining in on this week's Not Back to School Blog Hop . It's Student's Photo Week! First day of school photo: You can fin...
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Heavenly Father,

As I wake up today may you grant me eyes to see as you see.
May I see children that are treasures from you on loan to me.
May I handle their tender hearts with gentle care.
May I smile at their mistakes, laugh at their jokes,
Cry with their tears, and hug their fears.
May the words that I speak build them up and not tear them down.
May my touch declare Your love.
Help me to Choose joy and not criticism,
Peace not strife.
Today may I teach children and not curriculum.
Seek the completion of your will and not mine.
Seek the transforming of their minds not only the filling.
Seek heart connection and not simply knowledge retention.
May all that I teach and all that they learn be single in purpose--
To impart a love and passion for You.
May we do our best in all things not for our own pride but for Your Glory.
Tonight as I tuck them in,
May I know that as I have required their best, I have given mine.
I am so grateful for, yet humbled by the responsibility entrusted to me.
By the constant filling of your Holy Spirit,
May I be worthy of the calling you have placed upon me. 

A Homeschool Mom's Prayer

by on 9:38 AM
Heavenly Father, As I wake up today may you grant me eyes to see as you see. May I see children that are treasures from you on loan ...
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Our summer of starting 52.4.Him has not looked anything like I had imagined. We have not been as consistent as I would have liked and the summer was simply chaotic. However, the biggest change I have noticed from this is our perspective. Perspective is the overarching theme of 52.4.Him. --Creating an atmosphere that trains our hearts and our children's hearts to seek out and meet the needs of others. I have seen a shift in our homeschool group towards serving this year, and other friends and family, as well as in our own home. Maybe it is not every week as I wanted, but we are moving in that direction. And as I told C this morning, "we reward hard work not tangible achievement!"

This summer I had the privilege of visiting New York City and New Orleans. I was quickly reminded of how "easy" it was to do ministry when we lived in New Orleans. Needs are everywhere. In our current location, needs are certainly everywhere, they just look different and you have to look for them. I find myself constantly praying, Lord, give me eyes to see and ears to hear as You do.  This is exactly where He wants me. Seeking Him for where to place each step.


Sometimes as a stay at home mom, my perspective can get skewed. I know my primary ministry is to my family, my children and my husband, but it shouldn't stop there. I want to raise children that are aware of the world around them. To see others the way God sees them. To have a worldview bigger than themselves-- rooted in God's Word and yearning for the nations.


As we were in New Orleans, it was so easy to slip into an attitude of begging God to place me back in an area where ministry is "easy." But that isn't where He has me right now. He has me in a house in a subdivision in my hometown. The very last place I always thought I would be. Give me the inner city, give the village in South America or Africa. But here? I never imagined here. Yet, this is where I am. And this is where God has called me and my family to serve.


So we diligently see out opportunities to serve as a family. This summer, we had the privilege of hosting 2 exchange students for a few weeks. What a great way to serve! As I have heard it recently: "A reverse mission trip." We got to show love as a family and share our faith in word and deed. Opening my kids eyes to the intercultural world of which we are a part, showing them that there are people different than them and God's love and ours is to be shared.


In a time where Cuba is sending missionaries to the U.S., what are U.S. Christians doing to further the Gospel? Moms, what are you doing? Homeschool moms, what an amazing opportunity we have to infiltrate the minds and bodies of our children with service to others, meeting needs and making disciples. I want my prayer to be every morning, Lord, make me a Great Commission mom. A mom with a heart for her children and for the nations. A heart that seeks to make an impact inside and outside my home. Reaching the nations one day and one heart at a time.

Great Commission Moms

by on 11:57 AM
Our summer of starting 52.4.Him has not looked anything like I had imagined. We have not been as consistent as I would have liked and the su...
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If you are looking for a feel good, homeschooling rocks kind of post, this isn't for you. If you are more of a homschooling isn't always easy but I am grateful for the opportunity to develop my children's and my own character, keep reading!

Today was our first day NOT back to school. I am a planner so the books have been on the shelf since May, and much of the prep work done long before this week. However, we had a super crazy summer and there was more than usual on the last minute To Do list this weekend. Even so, we woke up to start school today ready. I had planned a slow start: Bible, Math, Language Arts for this week, adding in History and Science next week.


 I planned to finish by lunch and take the kids to the pool to enjoy the summer while its here. What a wonderful first day of Kindergarten for ds (or so I had planned . . . ). And then reality happened. 

We actually got off to a pretty good start. Over breakfast we did our first We Choose Virtues character quality "Diligence." We will be highlighting one virtue a week. Ron joined us for that and Bible. Bible was our first uh, well, maybe this isn't going to work for the day. I love what we use, but reality says that running 2 levels of Bible Study Guide for all Ages and still doing Bible "together" is not going to work. I need to reevaluate here, maybe just keep E on the beginner pages another year, I doubt she will mind! We also started TRUTH 66 Bible memory. 


I sent E off to practice piano while I did Right Start math with C. We finished the lesson in about five minutes. OK, I am all about a slow start, but that was not gonna cut it. I added lesson 2, barely a hiccup. I can see doing 3+ lessons a day for awhile though. Good thing my online planner has a good bumping feature!  



E then started on math, review for her, so nothing traumatic. Though in typical E fashion 20 minutes worth of work took around 45. While she worked on math I did Phonics with C, again review, so nothing groundbreaking. I really wanted to ease him into Kindergarten.  


 First K lesson of Handwriting without Tears. He was thrilled when I told him he didn't need a pencil for handwriting today!


E then worked on Explode the Code (which she "loves!" in her words), handwriting, Writing with Ease, and a review lesson from All About Spelling (since we stopped mid level). E loves doing spelling on the whiteboard app on the iPad so that is always a highlight for her!


By 11:45 we were finished (well all except for First Language Lessons which I forgot to do, and our read aloud which we planned to do later). Dinner was even in the crockpot! I made lunch, the kids got into their swimsuits while both muttered things like "that's it?" We're done?!?" I smiled to myself, so pleased that the morning had gone so well and the kids were happy. Nothing like the drudgery they had complained about and anticipated! Even the toddler loved the activities I had ready for her and did well. After lunch the kids played while I cleaned up and got ready. The bag was packed, suits on, and I asked the kids to clean up, gave them a few minutes and then asked if they were done. They said yes and we went to leave. And then, REALITY. 

I knew the day had gone too smoothly. Toys were everywhere. This is the third time they have lied about cleaning up this week. UGH. The great thing about homeschooling is the character flaws of our children are glaring. They can't be hidden outside your view from 8-3. Lying is so not tolerated and apparently I had not gotten my point across the the other two times it had happened this week. So, reality says you lied to get to the pool faster, you can clean up and not go to the pool at all. What happened next was even more of a debacle. Things were not cleaned properly to which the rule is if I pick up toys left out after you have declared it clean those toys belong to me. I can choose to throw it away, yard sale it, or allow it to be "purchased" back. Well, sure enough E's new American Girl doll got confiscated among many other things leading to the meltdown of the century. I warned you this wasn't a warm and fuzzy post! So instead of the pool, we ended up with a few chapters of a read aloud and rest time. 

I am a firm believer in reality discipline, but ugh how I hated to take this away from them today. *I*  had expectations for today. I wanted today to be fun, a great way to remember the first day back, especially for C, his first day of kindergarten. Well, I hope it is memorable because training my kids hearts is the most important thing.  I had to sacrifice the NOT back to school story I had envisioned and replace it with real homeschooling life! :) This summer was uncharacteristically lax in our house, and now we are paying the price. I am grateful for the return to structure and consistency! 

Is it bad that I feel slightly better that is just started raining? 

NOT Back to School Reality

by on 3:07 PM
If you are looking for a feel good, homeschooling rocks kind of post, this isn't for you. If you are more of a homschooling isn't al...
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You know the old adage "God won't give you more than you can handle?" Well, the truth is we can handle a lot. Every day I survive tantrums, screaming, whining, toy explosions, art in various unartistic places, unkind attitudes -- you get the point. No matter the day I have had, each evening I snuggle up with my kids, pray and sing with them and say goodnight. It's usually at that moment that I breathe for the first time in what can seem like hours. It is also usually at this time that I get my first reflective glimpse into my day. As I pray over my children and thank God for the amazing treasures He has given me, I have to face the reality of how I have treated those gifts that day.  Some nights I smile in contentment and joy and some nights tears flow down my face in regret for things I have said and done. But every day I survive. Every day I "handle" it. That isn't enough.

Last week I was having a particularly rough day. Ron was away counseling missionaries in Greece, and I was "holding down the fort," though some days a breeze could have blown it over. As J has gotten older these trips have gotten easier for me. However, this week was crazy. I was trying to clean our way too big house with three kids running around. My mental image all week? That Facebook e-card that says "Trying to clean your house with kids around is like brushing your teeth while eating Oreos."  I was preparing to host 2 exchange students for 2.5 weeks, and preparing to teach 2 weeks of English classes, as well as preparing for our homeschool year which starts directly after this teaching commitment. I was struggling. Spiritually I was being attacked and I knew it. I was allowing sin a foothold and it was obvious to me and my children. You know that awkward moment when you hear your child being nasty to another and your heart freezes and then sinks because . . . well, they sound just like you.

That is not who I want to be as a parent. Generational sin is tough,and way too many times last week I got on level with one of my kids and apologized for raising my voice. I am not proud of those moments, but I am ever so grateful for them. As I heard myself in my children, I was slapped in the face with my reality. They are the most effective mirrors in my house and sometimes what I see is not pretty. In the trenches last week as I was struggling and too often failing God spoke. You know the lighting bolt to your heart that stops you in your tracks. It's not about what you can handle. It's about what you can handle with grace. It's about what you are handling well. I stopped and prayed to be filled with God's grace. Grace that only He can give. Grace that forgives. Grace that causes peace in the midst of the storm.

Mirror, Mirror . . .

by on 3:29 PM
You know the old adage "God won't give you more than you can handle?" Well, the truth is we can handle a lot. Every day I surv...
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Yeah, so a week or so ago I wrote about finishing strong. And now I am going to share with you how we are finishing . . . creatively! We leave for a family vacation this weekend and our goal was to finish up "first grade" before we left, knowing we would continue with math and reading over the summer. Well, how do you finish 5 history chapters, 6 weeks of science plus all the rest in 3 weeks? Creatively! As I looked through our history notebook for the year I was convinced we did "enough." OK, way more than enough, this is first grade and my poot child has an overachiever for a mother. So, we read the last few chapters a few a week, a little coloring, notebooking and some extra books later, call it good. Science. sigh. The weakness of our homeschool. In all fairness to my type A personality, it did get "done," just not quite the way I envisioned. There is just not enough time in the day to get all those great experiments I really wanted to do (read: perhaps if I got off the computer we could have completed a few more of those experiments) ;) So, how to fit 6 weeks into 2. Our last unit of science was a plant unit. Well, Ron did plant a garden with the kids this spring. huh, perhaps we can redeem this unit after all. A little internet searching, printing, and we made an awesome lapbook on plants and flowers, memorized the plant and flower poems, added pics of the garden and call it good (details to come in case anyone is interested in that).

We were supposed to finish the rest this week. We are down to math, spelling, and reading. My intentions were to carry these into the summer after a few weeks off. Well, the school room is under construction and I couldn't get to our books today. There are shelves and cabinets everywhere. Half our books are in the downstairs bathroom. I assured Ron I would kill him if the toilet overflowed. Where in the world did all this stuff come from? Having Ron help me clean out the school room 2 weeks before convention was probably NOT a good idea. He is now thoroughly convinced I need nothing. : /  Not likely.

The kids had no problem finding all the games that were displaced. I thankfully had the foresight to take out our math review and reading book for today. Other than that, I think we played Zingo, Dr. Seuss Matching, How Tall am I?, and Word on the Street Jr. (Hey! That TOTALLY counts as spelling for today!). And dare I admit I watched TV in the middle of the day? Where in the world did all those extra hours come from?!? Not doing school was . . . ummm nice? Eh, who needs spelling in this summer, just narrowed our summer plans to math and reading.

I am by personality and philosophy a classical homeschooler. Just the term "Relaxed homeschooler" stresses me out. Well, our homeschool got a nice needed dose of "relaxed" this week. Since I can't get to the books, we might as well call it done. (Well, after a math test tomorrow. I think I can find that. :) And did I mention the toddler was throwing up tonight? yeah, definitely done.

I still say we finished strong, just creatively. ;) So, I am calling it. Let the summer begin!

Finishing . . . creatively

by on 2:20 AM
Yeah, so a week or so ago I wrote about finishing strong. And now I am going to share with you how we are finishing . . . creatively! We lea...
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8 days of the school year left. 2 days until a work training and certification test. 9 days until we leave on our family Disney cruise. 14 days until Orlando vacation. 18 days until my niece's graduation party and my birthday. 21 days until C's VPK graduation. 22 days until homeschool convention. 25 days until niece's graduation. 26 days until my nephew's birthday. 34 days until VBS. 38 days until I can breathe. oh wait and then we have E's birthday and. . . yeah you get the point.

While this is a super busy time for us, it never is really calm. All wonderful things (well mostly!) ;) Yet, sooooo much. How do I keep things in perspective, not waste these days looking onto the next? I will never get these days or weeks back, and in the midst of the chaos, I want to finish strong . . . not just finish.

So as I look towards the end, I am always reminded of the beginning. When finishing a homeschooling year, homeschooling moms know we are not focused on the current year, we are all busy planning the next year! I have heard of moms even scratching their current plan to begin the new one early. Always looking ahead to better or newer. Looking to the beginning allows us to reevaluate our priorities and goals. We are reminded anew why we do what we do, and can get back on track if we have allowed ourselves to drift.

Last week at a leadership planning meeting as we filled the calendar with dates of Bible studies and activities, my first reaction is, I don't mind being busy but it has to be worth it. It has to have eternal value. The key to finishing strong is to only finish that which is worth it. Take a look at the calendar, get rid of that which isn't worth it. Focus on that which advances the Kingdom of God. Our goal is to pursue the glory of God in all things in our lives. In homeschool we glorify God by pursuing excellence in all. We do not sacrifice character for academics. We do not sacrifice academics for character. Excellence may not always look the same for every every family or even for a family at any given time. It is about giving our best. Even in finishing.

Finishing Strong

by on 10:22 AM
8 days of the school year left. 2 days until a work training and certification test. 9 days until we leave on our family Disney cruise. 14 d...
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       Ron and I were discussing this week about how others view our parenting. Strange topic, I know, but Ron and I are super passionate about marriage and family and helping others in these areas of their lives.  I was concerned, albeit slightly, in how others viewed us in this area. Ron responded that he thought people see us as radical parents. I was kind of taken back. Radical? Really? Ron was quick to remind me of the time we made a huge splash because we refused to put J in nursery for a woman's ministry class I wanted to take. "She was only six months old," I responded. I shrug. It just doesn't seem radical to me.  It seems logical. I suppose in our small conservative Christian bubble that has some seriously staunch views on how parenting is supposed to be done, I guess we are kind of radical.
       I have grown so much as a parent in the last almost 7 years, and I know God will continue to grow me into the parent he wants me to be. When I had E I thought I totally knew what I was doing. I had been an aunt for years, nannied, babysat, worked in children's ministry . . . I was totally ready. ha! I was clueless. I thought my newborn would eat on a schedule, sleep on a schedule, and that we would all be following "God's plan" for raising a child. I mean, every good Christian young mom reads Babywise, right? Then I had an actual baby. Just letting E cry as an infant just didn't feel right. Making her wait to eat or sleep unsettled me, as did watching her in a seat or swing when I wanted to be holding her, but didn't want to "spoil" her. I am the first to step up and tell someone not to follow their feelings for "the heart is deceitful above all else" (Jer. 17:19).  However, when you have a check in your spirit, go to the Lord. I did, and I relaxed on a lot of the things I thought I was "supposed" to do, but I still had so much to learn. Young parents, especially moms are under such pressure to do this parenting thing right. The thing is no matter what you do, someone will think you are doing it wrong. When all we want is raise our child in the love and admonition of the Lord, that is a lot of pressure.
      Due to some bad advice and not enough information on my part, I gave up breastfeeding E at 3 months, and I put her on a schedule sleeping in her own bed. Since we were doing it "gently" and with very little crying, I thought I was doing all the right things. Then we moved to Ecuador when E was one and all the scheduling I did was worthless. Most days there was no quiet room or crib, just my lap and a crying tired baby. So much for that plan. How I wished I had rocked her to sleep more! I used a sling because it was convenient, but knew nothing about babywearing or attachment parenting.
      Fast forward. I had C and a 22 month old toddler. C had reflux and everything I thought I knew about parenting (which was not much at this point!) went completely out the window. I breastfed on demand because he hardly ate and I was worried about weight gain. We coslept because that was the only way we could sleep (and when he mostly ate!). I researched babywearing because, goodness surely something out there would help this poor baby get some relief while I could still have 2 hands to play with my toddler and focus on surviving. Those crazy first 2 years of C's life taught me more than I ever could have imagined about being a parent. God was quick to teach me about being a Holy Spirit led parent. No book, author, educator, or professional knew MY child, but God did and I did. He taught me to be careful about being dogmatic on things He is not dogmatic about. I would have said my children would never sleep in my bed, or sleep in a swing to establish a nap schedule. Well, they did. I learned you truly cannot spoil an infant. They are created to eat when they are hungry and sleep when they are tired. A small child's body really does regulate eating and sleeping patterns on their own with very little gentle external encouragement, and holding them or wearing them constantly does not make them spoiled, it makes them secure and independent.
     So then number 3 came along. A perfectly healthy baby with no reason that necessitated co-sleeping or babywearing. Yet I saw the amazing benefits it had on child #2, and I see the lack of attachment in child #1 that I am now having to go backwards to build. I choose babywearing and part time co-sleeping to help facilitate the attachment that I now so desperately value. Oh yeah, and I nursed until she self weaned with a little gentle prodding at 17 months, and yes, she is still rear facing at 27 months because safety not convenience is paramount.
       Sometimes I feel like we don't fit in anywhere. We are not true "attachment" parents as we do believe our children are inherently sinful, and need truth and correction. We believe in structure and boundaries, and training our children in the truth about our sin nature and the cross that sets us free. We believe in positive discipline, but we also believe in consequences. Our Christian friends just think we are weird for the most part, and just too extreme for them. After all, the way they are doing it has worked in the church for years. But I ask, has it? 80% of youth leave the church at 18 and don't come back. Something is wrong. I cannot single handedly change the church's approach to children and youth ministry, but I can change my family's approach to my children.
         I respect my children because they are made in the image of God. I love them and treasure them and desire to enjoy them. I mess up often, but my heart is to raise compassionate, empathetic, loving, and mighty servants and warriors for the Kindgom of God. It is true we rarely spank and believe that a myriad of other more positive discipline techniques and mostly reality discipline works best. We homeschool, practice family worship, family missions, and are consumed with passionately pursuing the Glory of God in our family. Is our parenting philosophy radical? Yeah, I  guess. But since when is being radical a bad thing?
 


*********************************************************************************
TIPS for developing a personal parenting philosophy:

1. Develop a biblical parenting philosophy as a family. Base it on Scripture, truth, love, and grace. (everyone needs a plan) Know your objective (to raise a godly child that loves God and follows Him with all their heart) and decide how you will accomplish that.
2. Have reasonable expectations. For both you and your child
3. Walk with grace. (this does not mean you ignore, it simply means we treat our children with as much respect and grace God gives us when we sin)
4. Be open to the leading of the Holy Spirit. Keep your mind and heart open to what He has to say and where He leads you and your family. Do the research, know your stuff, but then seek Him as your filter
5. Enjoy them. If we are faithfully training our children in the Lord We will never look back and say we wish we were harder on them. We will wish we sang more, played more games, and held them longer. 

Radical Parenting

by on 11:35 PM
       Ron and I were discussing this week about how others view our parenting. Strange topic, I know, but Ron and I are super passionate ab...
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This has been the resounding call of God to me lately, that I foster an atmosphere of grace in my home. I wish I could say that this was easy, but then if it were, God would not have to remind me daily if not hourly to give grace. I often am too quick to get angry. Too quick to raise my voice or administer correction. If God were to deal with me in the same way I treat my children . . . well, I am pretty sure the ground would have swallowed me up already or maybe some well placed lightning. You get the idea.

As I was putting my children down for a nap today singing "He's still working on me, to make me what I ought to be. It took Him just a week to make the moon and the stars, the sun and the earth and Jupiter and Mars. How loving and patient He must be. He's still working on me," I was overwhelmed with God's grace and patience in my life. He spoke the earth, sun and stars into perfect existence. Yet, because of His overwhelming love for us He created us with a journey towards perfection or destruction. He could easily demand holiness. How much more quickly would I choose holiness if I knew I were to be swallowed up by the earth if I made the wrong choice? Yet He grants grace. Day after day, minute after minute, second after undeserved second.

Oh but how often do I expect perfection from my children? My heart breaks over how often I have failed to affirm the 20 things they have done fabulously, but rarely miss a transgression.

I have been reading in Galatians and have too closely resonated with the objects of Paul's wrath. I am so often just as legalistic, proud, and ungrace-filled as the Galatians. I often steer pretty clear of The Message, but I am oh so glad the Lord directed me there for a fresh look at this book.

"When you attempt to live by your own religious plans and projects, you are cut off from Christ, you fall out of grace. Meanwhile we expectantly wait for a satisfying relationship with the Spirit." Galatians 5:4b-5 (The Message)


How often do I lack grace with myself, resulting in utter frustration and self defeat over my loss of battles with my flesh. Beth Moore in Breaking Free succinctly nails down the problem with this:  "No amount of determination will bring freedom. We're going to learn to be victorious by surrendering our lives completely to the spirit of God, not by gritting our teeth and trying harder" (pg 6). After most of a lifetime of being saved, I am still trying to grasp the concept of surrender. How grateful am I for His grace?

I want my children to understand grace. To understand surrender. To understand a Spirit filled, Spirit led life.
Yet, how can they grow in understanding of these things, when I am not modeling it for them?

"What a person plants, he will harvest. The person who plants selfishness, ignoring the needs of others--ignoring God!-- harvests a crop of weeds. All he'll have to show for his life is weeds! But he one who plants in response to God, letting God's Spirit do the growth work in him, harvests a crop of real life, eternal life. So let's not allow ourselves to get fatigued doing good. At the right time we will harvest a good crop if we don't give up, or quit. Right now, therefore, every time we get the chance, let us work for the benefit of all, starting with the people closest to us in the community of faith." Galatians 6:7b-10

What am I planting? Criticism? Judgment? Anger? I want to overflow with love, grace, mercy, and understanding. Those closest to me? My husband and children. I am to start with these. Parenting littles is hard. Homeschooling is hard. I don't get a break from them, they don't get a break from me. All of our faults are glaringly obvious to each other. I often find it good perspective to reflect on why we homeschool. A few for us: To provide a solid Biblical foundation. To develop godly character. To provide a safe place to learn and grow. How often do I get in the way of completing these goals? How many times at the end of the day does my husband come home and I have nothing left to give? I love the analogy of the harvest in Scripture. To sew and to plant take time. Parenting (and the Christian life isn't a sprint. It is a marathon. There are no quick fixes, no book or method or even curriculum that will solve all of our problems in an instant. But there is grace-- amazing, abundant, wonderful grace.

All too often my response to my children's behavior is due to my own sin -- my own inconsistencies, or even my own pride. I fear what others will think of my children or my parenting. Gal. 6: 12-13 addresses this:
"They want an easy way to look good before others, lacking the courage to live by a faith that shares Christ's suffering and death. All there talk about the law is gas. They themselves don't keep the law! And they are highly selective in the laws they do observe." 


Those Galatians sound so hypocritical! Oh how I can relate. I often do not deny myself, give in to my own selfishness and yet I am shocked to see my children do the same?

"For my part, I am going to boast about nothing but the Cross of our Master, Jesus Christ. Because of that Cross, I have been crucified in relation to the world, set free from the stifling atmosphere of pleasing others and fitting into the little patterns that they dictate." v14

I have been set free, just like the Galatians, free from sin, free from death, yet I have created my own "stifling atmosphere" in my home. This is not what I want. I want an atmosphere of grace-- the one Christ died for. When my children look back on our family and our home, may they see parents that were slow to anger, quick to encourage, patient to allow them to try-- succeed or fail, training them and correcting them with the amazing grace demonstrated by Jesus Christ. This doesn't describe me right now, but how glad I am that He's still working on me!

An Atmosphere of Grace

by on 2:26 PM
This has been the resounding call of God to me lately, that I foster an atmosphere of grace in my home. I wish I could say that this was ea...
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